The Lego Movie as a 1990s Nicktoon: What If?
Wobbly lines, gross-out close-ups and an Emmet who is very, very tired of it all.
First, what made '90s Nicktoons so weird?
REAL: in the 1990s, Nickelodeon let creators make cartoons that looked nothing like Disney. Shows like Rugrats and Aaahh!!! Real Monsters, made by the studio Klasky Csupo, had scratchy, wobbly lines, odd colors and characters who looked a little lumpy on purpose. Other shows loved sudden, gross, super-detailed close-ups.
REAL: The Lego Movie (2014) was the opposite: it was animated to look like real bricks, piece by piece, and its song "Everything Is Awesome" was nominated for an Oscar.
So what if it were a '90s Nicktoon instead?
Emmet is a tired slacker
No cheerful morning routine. No "Everything Is Awesome." His alarm goes off, and he groans, "Ugh. Here we go again."
When Wyldstyle tells him to rise up against the system, he says, "Yeah, or I could just… not."
Wyldstyle is a loud punk rocker
She yells every line, breaks everything she touches and does not have a crush on Emmet. Her theme music is pure guitar feedback.
Batman is a gloomy goth
He talks in a deep monotone about how nothing matters. He sits on rooftops staring at the rain. He fronts a band called Bat Funeral. Their only song is one chord, played very slowly.
Emmet: "Are you… okay?" Batman: "Does anyone even know what 'okay' means?"
President Business is a ridiculous boss
A giant mouth, tiny eyes and a tie that's way too long. He loves rules so much he wrote rules about the rules. Every time he gets mad, there's a sudden, super-detailed close-up of his sweaty, twitching face.
The animation is wobbly on purpose
Lines wiggle even when nothing is moving.
Characters change size between shots.
Emmet's face slides off his head once, and nobody mentions it.
The ending
No big lesson. No special speech. Emmet saves the day by accident, shrugs and goes home. Batman mutters, "Whatever." Wyldstyle kicks a trash can. The end.
What the original nails
The Lego Movie has a twist: the whole story is a boy playing with his dad's Lego set. Its message is that creativity matters more than following the instructions, and that a dad and his kid can both be right.
What our version breaks
Our version makes fun of everything, so it can't believe in anything. The original's heart is Emmet's belief that an ordinary person can be special. If Emmet doesn't care, the twist about a kid and his dad doesn't land either. Sarcasm is fun, but a whole movie of it leaves you empty.
The lesson
Cynicism is easy. Sincerity is brave. The best cartoons, even the weird '90s ones, had heart under the slime.
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