Shrek as a Disney Renaissance Movie: What If?
Power ballads, stained glass and a Donkey who is now a violin.
First, the backstory
REAL: Jeffrey Katzenberg ran Disney's film studio during the Disney Renaissance, the run of hits from The Little Mermaid (1989) to Tarzan (1999). In 1994 he left Disney and co-founded DreamWorks. Shrek (2001) poked fun at fairy tales and, many people felt, at Disney itself. REAL: it won the very first Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.
So what if Katzenberg never left, and Disney made Shrek in the middle of the Renaissance?
Shrek becomes a handsome, misunderstood hero
No more green ogre in a swamp. This Shrek is a brooding outcast with flowing hair, "ugly" only in the way movie stars are ugly before a makeover. Think the Beast meets Tarzan. True love's kiss turns him into a prince.
Fiona becomes a classic princess
Goodbye, kung fu. This Fiona gets: - An "I Want" song by her tower window - A stained-glass opening that tells the story of her curse - A sing-along with woodland animals
Donkey becomes a talking violin
Every Renaissance hero needs an enchanted object sidekick. Donkey becomes a violin who speaks in rhymes, gets carried everywhere and plays himself during his solo number. He's like Lumière, but much less helpful.
Lord Farquaad gets a Broadway villain song
"I Will Rule," with a cape, a spotlight and fairy-tale creatures forced to dance backup. Every great Renaissance villain has a song. Farquaad would have the best one.
The soundtrack
Music by Alan Menken, of course. - "A World That's Just for Me" (Shrek's ballad) - "A Dream Beyond This Tower" (Fiona's "I Want" song) - "I Will Rule" (Farquaad's anthem) - "One True Love" (the romantic duet) - "Happily Ever After" (the finale)
The look
Glowing golden light, a sparkly swamp, a Gothic castle with stained glass that hints at the ending, and the most dramatic flowing hair in animation history. Every transformation takes 30 seconds, because sparkles.
The ending
A balcony duet at sunrise. A transformation. Donkey plays one last note. A storybook closes: "And their love became legend."
What the original nails
Shrek works because it flips the fairy tale. The hero is ugly, the princess can fight, and "happily ever after" means Fiona stays an ogre. The message is that you don't have to change to deserve love. It's funny because it knows every fairy-tale rule and breaks them on purpose.
What our version breaks
Our version follows every rule, so it loses the message. If Shrek turns handsome and Fiona turns human, the story says you have to look a certain way to get a happy ending. That's the opposite of what made Shrek special. It'd be beautiful. It might even win an Oscar for Best Song. But it wouldn't be Shrek.
The lesson
A parody needs a target. Shrek was funny because Disney's Renaissance existed to push against. Take away the thing it's poking at, and you're left with the very thing it was making fun of.
What movie should we rewrite next? Tell us in the comments.
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